Coming out as fat

July 27, 2014

I am a fat girl. There, I said it, I’m fat. When I say this, I am stating a factual descriptive characteristic about my body. I am not getting down on myself or fishing for compliments or even saying that I have any problem with being fat. I actually love my body. It took a long time to get there, as I had to combat conventional beauty standards, but I do love my body. I am fat and I am okay with it. This journey of learning self love and acceptance has even made me adopt fatness as an identity because when I say I am fat, people do automatically assume I am insulting myself. Having adopted this identity, and embracing my fatness in a positive way, I am still faced with some interesting challenges in combating the societal idea that fat = unattractive.

Whenever I mention to someone that I am fat the most common response I get is, “you’re not fat.” This is usually because said person finds me attractive and/or thinks I am being insecure about my body. The simple truth is that I fall on some weird in-between skinny and fat based on most people’s standards because when they envision a fat person, they think of some mis-porportioned, out of shape slob. The fact is, fatness comes in varying degrees and proportions, and I am fat. I am healthy (remarkably, as I don’t live a very healthy lifestyle), and I am beautiful, and I am perfectly okay with being fat. To deny that is to invalidate not just my identity as a fat woman, but my hard work to accept and love my body. I am 5’2″ and I weigh between 165 and 180 pounds. I am fat. In fact, according to BMI, I am obese (BMI is a bullshit medical standard, by the way). My proportions are fabulous, and I have a wonderful figure. I have never had any problems finding sexual or romantic partners, so obviously my fatness does not hinder my love life or make me unattractive.

How did I learn to love myself and accept being fat? Well, it was a journey. I have always been fat, even when I was a “healthy weight” I had a belly. I’ve gotten mistaken as pregnant since after puberty by various people. When I first got on birth control, I gained about 30 pounds. This was when I started having insecurities about my weight and body. Then I saw this glorious video and started to re-evaluate my perspective. I then began to look at myself in the mirror every day and said to myself, “I’m fat and it’s okay.” Also, The scene in Pulp Fiction where Fabienne says she wants a potbelly and that women with bellies are sexy gave me a lot of confidence because I have exactly the body she is describing! Another thing that helped me was finding just one part of my body that I was already confident about and focusing on it. For me, it’s my vulva. It’s glorious and beautiful and perfect in every way and I have always found it to be aesthetically pleasing. Having that much confidence about just one part of my body helped me to respect other parts of my body and find them more beautiful. Finally I realized, other people find me gorgeous, so yeah, being fat is not a bad thing.

Shopping sucks, because the fashion industry seems to have this idea that all fat people are proportioned the same way, but when I do find clothes that fit right, I love it. I adore how certain outfits complement my figure. I sometimes wear tight tank tops, and my breasts and my belly are prominently displayed, and I have all the confidence that I am damn sexy. And I am fat. It’s not a bad word. I’ve embraced it, and invite others to do the same. I wish more people could have the confidence I have discovered for myself, because it makes my sex life so much more gratifying, and I waste a lot less time agonizing over what to wear or whether my back rolls are showing. Whether you are fat or skinny or “somewhere in between” learn to love yourself. It will go a long way.

Female Ejaculation

July 14, 2014

Female ejaculation, or “squirting” is a very fascinating sexual phenomena. It occurs during orgasm, usually when the G-Spot is stimulated, and a thin, clear fluid “squirts” from the urethra. This fluid is sometimes confused with urine, because of the consistency and where it comes from, however, it looks, tastes, and smells very different. Because of this confusion, women sometimes feel embarrassed when they ejaculate for the first time. It is also a medical mystery becuase it is unclear from where this fluid is produced, and it seems that not all women can ejaculate.

Until a couple of days ago, I had though that I was incapable of squirting, as to my knowledge, I had never done it before. Well, it turns out I can, because I very much did and it was a very interesting experience. I didn’t even realize I had done it until after my partner at the time had finished fingering me, he quipped, “sorry I got your bed all wet” and sure enough, there was a soaking wet spot on my bed. I thought, “holy shit, did I really just do that?” It was kind of awesome, and I think the guy I was having sex with was very pleased with himself (rightfully so). The orgasm was very intense, and very good, and I was so caught up in the orgasm, that I didn’t even feel the fluid come out.

I don’t know why he was able to make me squirt this time, as he and other partners have gone to town on my G-Spot before. Maybe it was persistence, because when I told him I had never done it, I’m pretty sure the voice of Barney Stinson from “How I Met Your Mother” proclaimed, “challenge accepted” in his mind.

For those wondering how to try and make a woman ejaculate, as I said before, you need to stimulate the G-Spot, which is located on the anterior vaginal wall, about 1-3 inches in. It is easiest to stimulate with your hand or a toy (I suggest hand until you get a feel for where it is on your partner). Another thing that can help is if you use your other hand to press down on your partner’s abdomen, just above the pubic bone.

Don’t be discouraged if ejaculation does not happen, because the orgasms are outstanding either way, the squirting is just an added bonus. It may take a few tries, or it may take a while, or it may never happen, but you cam sure have a lot of fun trying.

 

If you would like to send a question for the monthly Q&A post, please email perspectivesonsex@gmail.com

Sh*t OkCupid Says

July 5, 2014

I’ve recently started an OkCupid profile, in hopes of meeting some new people for casual dating/casual sex. It seems, however, that the majority of men on there think that if a woman is looking for casual sex, there is absolutely no requirement to treat her like an actual human being. I’ve heard a lot of guys complain about not getting a response from women when they are not interested, and I’ve had to explain, that by sheer volume, if I responded to every guy who messaged me, it would take up my entire day. Ain’t nobody got time for that! A lot of the messages I get, are simply “hi” or “hello” and sometimes I’ll take a look at their profile, but for the most part, I pass, because as I stated in my profile, I’d like someone who messages me to have something interesting to say. I may be looking for casual sex, but that doesn’t mean I want to hook up with anyone that comes along. I’d like to sleep with people I actually like, or, at the very least, is not a douchebag.

Don’t get me wrong, not everyone on OkCupid is a sleaze, I have met at least one person on there who is decent, and he and I are developing a very fruitful friendship, and we have similar intellectual and sexual interests. I like him. It’s awesome. It seems though that he’s a damn unicorn.

I read some of the messages I get to some of my friends, and they’ve given me the idea to do an installment of my blog dedicated to some of the more funny/sleezy/creepy/moronic messages I get: “Shit OkCupid Says” where I post a few messages, and add some commentary (not actual responses, as again, that would be time consuming, and I really don’t want to interact with these people).

 

What up sexy ( ;

Sent from the OkCupid app Jun 21

Ok, he called me sexy with a winky face emoticon. How fascinating. Let’s see, he’s a 39% match. I know, online dating algorithms are flawed, but they do have at least some merit, particularly since they have to do with the personality questions we answer. This guy has answered 36 questions and is looking for a monogamous relationship. Did he even read my profile? Probably not.

 

Don’t want to waste anyone’s time, so if what’s in my profile isn’t what you’re looking for – no problem, good luck in your search! Otherwise, I’d be very interested in chatting with ya! ­čÖé

Sent on Jun 21

 

Okay, not a terrible message, 94% match, promising, but his ONLY picture is a pic of his chest, pulling his pants down slightly, not showing his face. His chest isn’t even anythings special. His profile states, “So to not waste anyone’s time: I’m on here looking for something very casual, like a friends with benefits/fb situation. No strings, as they say. I won’t bother putting anything into this profile, since if you’re not interested in what I’ve put in the above paragraph, you’re not going to care about anything else, right? But if you are, then we can get to know each other.” So he basically contradicted himself. If you want FRIENDS with benefits, perhaps you should make an effort to make people interested in who you are as a person. He answered 86 questions. But I thought he wasn’t going to bother putting anything in his profile? The pic is kind of a deal breaker, I mean, if you can’t be bothered to show your face, and you think your body is the best thing you can offer, I’m not interested.

Wanna blaze and make out? I’m out by u right now

Sent on Jun 29

First of all, come on now, my profile states that I do not smoke pot, sooo, that’s a big no. 66% match. Meh. Oh, he’s looking for something long term. He actually has quite a bit in his profile, even though he’s only answered 91 questions. For someone who has put so much effort into his own profile, you’d think he would put a little effort into reading profiles.

 

Hookup..for America? Lol

Sent from the OkCupid app Yesterday

Oh, how so very clever. Yes, that totally makes me want to celebrate freedom with orgasm. Come on, you can do better than that.

 

Dtf

Sent from the OkCupid app 9:10am

Wow. Thanks for sharing. Oh, blank profile, no pic…yeah this is a spambot.

 

so do you.enjoy giving head?

Sent at 5:08pm

you horny tonight?
Sent Just now!
┬áThese two messages from the same guy. Oh yes. My vagina is a tropical storm of sex, take me now. Seriously though, no profile pic, however, he’s answered 281 questions. Really though, that’s just tacky.These kinds of messages I get every day, and it gets so annoying, but at least I can have fun making fun of them. Maybe some of them will see these posts and learn how to actually talk to a woman, as I plan to do these posts monthly.
If you want to get to the point, and are just looking for a one night stand, fine, but don’t act like a sleaze. It’s somewhat dehumanizing and disrespectful.