Children’s toys are not to blame for giving girls an unrealistic standard of beauty. They are toys and children don’t spend a lot of time thinking about what they look like nor do they compare their bodies to something so small and plastic.

You know who we compare our bodies to? Other people. Why do we do it? Because we’re constantly told to. Between the barrage of weight loss ads, the photoshopped supermodels that dominate our magazines, and the endless scrutiny of celebrities when they gain a little bit of weight, women are told from a very young age that our bodies are not good enough. Yet people like to blame Barbie and any other toy marketed toward little girls, they like to blame the supermodels for being so thin, and they love to blame the celebrities for fluctuating their weight so much. They are placing blame where it doesn’t belong and need to point their fingers elsewhere: at themselves. It’s easy to blame Barbie or a supermodel or a celebrity because then we don’t have to look at where this culture came from. We’re perpetuating this culture by continuing to body-shame women whether they are fat or skinny. We are allowing the media to create and maintain this impossible standard by sitting back and letting a toy, a model, or an actress be the scapegoat for our own insecure projections.

 

When you blame Barbie for a girl’s body image, you are saying an inanimate object has more power over a girl’s psyche than the commercial she saw of the woman who looked just fine 30 pounds heavier bragging about how much better she looks now that she lost that “unsightly body fat.”

 

When you blame the rail-thin supermodel, you are saying even thin is not good enough and that the body type she has is more influential than the person who photoshopped the picture to make her impossibly thin.

 

When you blame the celebrities, you are saying it’s acceptable to judge their lives and that a celebrity’s weight is more important than telling your daughter that her’s is just fine.

 

So how do we stop this? How do we combat this culture of body-shaming? We stop blaming the toys and the models and the celebrities, and we looks at ourselves and the body shaming we do on a daily basis. We criticize the media for refusing to make toys that encourage positive self-image, continuing to photoshop people who look beautiful just the way they are, and the paparazzi for constantly making big news when a celebrity gains or loses weight. We tell our daughters, friends, sisters and mothers that people come in many shapes and sizes and it’s okay to be fat, skinny, or somewhere in between. That our health is more important than how we look, and being fat or skinny is a superficial way of judging health or happiness.

 

EDIT: I wanted to add that I don’t think it’s a bad idea to market dolls that are more realistic and representative of girls of varying body types. I think it’s a great idea, in fact. The Lammily doll is fantastic and I think can help girls feel better about themselves. I also don’t think it’s appropriate to blame Barbie for perpetuating a negative self image when it is our own culture that created and encourages body shaming.

My Facebook news feed has been flooded with various articles on Kim Kardashian’s recent photo shoot for Paper Magazine where she undressed and was photographed completely nude. Few seem to be talking about the original champagne photo this shoot was modeled after and the racist and exploitative history behind it, but everyone seems to be talking about how shameful she is for posing nude because “she’s a mom.”

Now, I don’t follow Kim K. nor do I really know much about her other than she is married to Kanye West and people love to make her into an icon of sexual objectification. Let me put this simply: I don’t care how she got famous, I don’t care if she’s a mom, a nun, or a prostitute. There is no excuse for shaming her for choosing to pose nude. This is classic misogyny and is unacceptable. Women are sexual beings, just as men are, and we have the right to express our sexuality in any way we see fit. Kim Kardashian is not a “whore.” She is a woman. A woman deserving of respect regardless of if you approve of her choices.

I think some of the worst comments I saw on the photos were “shame on Kanye for allowing her to do this” and “Her so called husband didn’t do his job in protecting her…” Excuse me? Kanye does not own her, and it is not his job to “protect” her from making her own choices or expressing her sexual self. It is his job to treat her with respect and love her (whether he does those things, I don’t know, but that’s another argument).

To criticize Kim Kardashian or ANY woman, famous or not, for posing nude or having sex (on or off camera) or otherwise doing anything that displays their sexuality is sexist, it is reprehensible, and blatant sex-shaming. Celebrities get the worst of it. We need to stop this constant barrage of attacks on female sexuality. Being sexual is HEALTHY. And if you don’t like someone posing nude, don’t look. It’s that simple. The idea that a woman is only of value if she is “pure” or hides her sexuality is based on a false morality designed to control women. Values do not equal religious mortality.

Sh*t OkCupid Says Pt. 3

November 9, 2014

Well I have gotten a ton of messages since my last OkCupid post. And some of them really make me wonder if I should delete my profile and hide in my own little corner of the internet…
are you horny?
Sent on Aug 18
Rather forward for a first message, and typically, I only express this to someone I want to have sex with. Good job on not reading my profile.
Hey im young lokking for some sex baby! 😀
Sent on Aug 18
With game like that, I bet your hand wets itself every night. And with a username like daddydick123, it’s a wonder you even need OkCupid.
Ur a Sexologist. . I hav sme Probs. Vil u help me
Sent from the OkCupid app Aug 28
Whut? Ok seriously, OKCupid will allow me to block straight people from viewing my profile, but it won’t allow me to block people who are NOT IN MY FUCKING COUNTRY. Also I love how people think that this is the proper place to ask for free sex advice.
I really just need a hole to cum inside of. If this is you message me back.
Sent on Aug 30
I had to reply to this. I had to. It was too easy. I replied with, “there’s an app for that.” and his response was so perfect: “I don’t have a smart phone”
I don’t even know if it’s so funny because he had no idea I was trolling him, or because he came up with the perfect response to a troll.
Wanna fuck
Sent from the OkCupid app Sep 7
Right to the point. Not sure if question or statement. I feel like I should have responded with, “good luck with that.” Because that’s really all I can think to say.
Damn. You are fucking sexy. I just thought I would tell you in case no one has today
Sent on Sep 8
Not to sound conceited, but I AM a woman. YES. I get told I am attractive everyday. If it’s not some random creeper on the street, it’s a douchebag on OkCupid. There are better ways of picking up women. Like respecting them. And talking about something other than her appearance.
u have huge boobs 🙂
Sent on Sep 13
Another one I couldn’t resist replying to. All I said was, “how astute of you…” He read my response but never replied. Probably didn’t want to make it obvious that he couldn’t figure out what “astute” means.
Dam those tits fucking awesome
Sent on Sep 14
GDI someone help me, I can’t drop my panties fast enough with such clever and flattering comments on my breasts. Does this shit ever actually work? Like ever?
W ( . )( . )zers 🙂
Sent from the OkCupid app Sep 17
I…I have no words. And apparently neither does he.
When I read your profile, I thought soon afterwards was, “how many men try to talk to this woman about feminism without giving a thought to the subject if there wasn’t a woman’s rack in their eyes, which are twitching and shaking away his head, doing his utmost to show that he thinks is polite.” I find it’s pretty OK to look at a woman’s boobs, because, that’s part of why I find a woman sexy. I haven’t read much of feminism, that’s why I typically shut up, ask the woman to go into detail, and not be scared to look at her tits…When someone makes that fake cough when I’m smoking, that’s when I inhale a little and blow it past their face. It irks them and I’m high fiving The Marlboro Man…What’s new with you?
Sent on Oct 7
Yeah…that’s not how feminism works. You don’t get to say you respect feminist women but that it’s totally okay to stare at her boobs as if she’s not an actual person. I don’t care why you find women sexy. I don’t care if you THINK you’re listening to what we’re saying. Just…no. It’s a thing called respect. Which you lack. Kindly fuck off.
Sex possible
Sent on Oct 16
Usually, yes, sex is a possibility. But not in this case, not with you. Gross.
loved make u cum
Sent on Oct 24
Was I passed out for this? Or drugged? Because that would be rape. Even if you remove the past tense it’s still rather presumptuous and creepy. I don’t even know how to make this into an acceptable message. Not with the words given, anyway. You’d have to add some words and subtract some letters. Like replace all of them with just about ANYTHING else.
And here’s the thing: I am no stranger to bedroom talk. I love to talk dirty sometimes. It’s fun and exciting. But not appropriate for a first message, especially when my profile explicitly states that I don’t want sexual messages right off the bat. Ah well, I guess I will keep my profile active, if for no other reason than more blog material.